Tamar Weinberg offers a most excellent guide to modern manners in “The Ultimate Social Media Etiquette Handbook.” She asks, “Would you do the following within real face-to-face relationships:”

  • Jump on the friendship bandwagon without properly introducing yourself?

  • Consistently talk about yourself and promote only yourself without regard for those around you?

  • Randomly approach a friend you barely talk to and simply ask for favors — repeatedly?

  • Introduce yourself to another person as “Pink House Gardening?”

OK, so you can see where this is going. But it’s amazing how many people who would never walk into a party and engage in these sorts of behaviors think it’s the thing to do in social media. This is an ongoing issue that we’ve noted before, but Weinberg breaks it down by network, laying out the potential gaffes and faux pas waiting to be committed. For example, on Facebook:

Turning your Facebook profile photo into a pitch so that you can gather leads through your Facebook connections. Thanks, but no thanks. Facebook is about real friendships and not about business — at least not to me.

Or on Twitter:

Not humanizing your profile. Twitter is also about real relationships. Add an avatar and a bio at the minimum. Let people know who you are. To take it a step further, make it easy for people to contact you outside Twitter if necessary. This is especially important if someone on Twitter needs to reach you but can’t direct message you since you’re not following them! If they’re making the effort, it’s probably because they really want to talk to you. (Was it something you said? Usually.)

On Blogging and Commenting:

Commenting on other articles and using the name “Yellow Brick Plumbing.” Isn’t your name actually Alan? There’s no SEO value to these comments (they’re not followed by default), and all this approach does is makes you lose credibility in the eyes of the blogger. This isn’t the way to network!

In everyday life, we take all this in stride and file it under “common courtesy.” But while social networks often seem like some mysterious new thing, they’re really just an extension of what we do every day — meeting new people, offering advice, getting answers to questions, making comments and observations, relaying an interesting fact or source or just joking around. If it seems like there’s a lot of rules to remember, keep in mind that it can be boiled down to three basic ones:

  1. In any new social network (as in any new social situation), hang out for awhile and get a good feel for the conversation before adding your own voice. The College Party Analogy definitely applies here.
  2. Don’t say or do anything you wouldn’t mind seeing flashed across a downtown billboard for the rest of recorded time. This rule, true for email, is exponentially true in the world of social media.
  3. Remember that it’s not all about you, so give more than you take. Chris Brogan offers a 12:1 rule for Twitter and other social networks, i.e. give in the form of links, recognition, advice or support at least 12 times before you ask for something that benefits you.

This shouldn’t be either difficult or nerve-wracking. Social networks are full of friendly people looking to connect with others who have similar interests. Sure, there’s always a few clueless losers who relentlessly promote their own agenda and don’t seem to follow basic rules of courtesy. But they’re easy to spot and avoid, right?